This is the story of myself. I was 16 years old when things started. I always had a very difficult life, including abuse and neglect throughout my childhood, homelessness for a period in my teen years, the loss of my oldest brother as a teen, and severe mental illnesses as a youth and adult.

It started in 2005. I was hospitalized for the first time due to suicidal ideation. This led to 16 years in and out of hospitals, trying nearly every medication available. My problem was not that I didn’t get treatment; it was that the correct medication was withheld from me for 16 years. Clozapine should have been given to me many years earlier.

I truly believe my doctors thought I was not taking my medications. My medications would work for a few months and then stop working. When I finally was placed on Clozapine, about 16 years since my first hospitalization, my delusions and hallucinations greatly reduced within a month. Clozapine has been a game changer.

Sometimes I wish I would have tried it earlier, but I think my story is a strong reminder that Clozapine should be tried earlier.

Again, in my case, care was not denied. The CORRECT care was denied.

I needlessly “wasted” 16 years of my life because my doctors did not try the correct medication earlier on. I have been on Clozapine for over 6 years and I have been out of the hospital almost 5 and a half years, a feat I never even imagined possible.

I advocate and share my story to help others who can be helped by my story. If one thing could have been different, it would be this: I think doctors need to know that Clozapine may be a “scary” medication to try, but it has been nothing short of a miracle for me. If other antipsychotics do not work, it should definitely be tried.