Six Broken Hearts Against a Broken System

Our nightmare began 10 years ago when the 2nd of our 4 sons started isolating, gaming constantly, and losing interest in doing things. He was always the most social, our funny guy, athletic, musical, artistic.

All 4 boys have genius IQ.

I pray the other 3 stay healthy, happy, and successful. He had graduated from high school, worked at our business, but acted entitled, acted out, and was verbally abusive to our family. We tried to encourage him to go to college, but he had no interest. I was also told recently that he had slipped a large amount of acid during this time, unbeknownst to him. I don't know if that had anything to do with his decline. He smoked a lot of pot and played video games way too much. He was always a picky eater, but started eating less and less.

I took him to a psychiatric emergency room after we had found him an apartment nearby and called me begging me to help him. At the hospital, the doctors told him they were admitting him. He looked at the list of his rights on the wall and said - I don't know your names, I don't want to stay. They said, "You're staying, you need help". Well, he got on the elevator, thankfully, I followed him. On the way in - we had to be buzzed through about 6 doors, there were a gaggle of security guards and police at the reception desk, gossiping about other workers, being inappropriate. On the way out, the doors were unlocked. I yelled I need help, and now there wasn't one person at the receptionist desk as I tried to block him from going out the last door. My son pushed me causing me to fall on the sidewalk and be knocked unconscious. I woke up to 4 men on top of my son. He was then transferred to a hospital where he stayed several weeks.

When I say this has been a revolving door, that is an understatement.

He has been in X Hospital, X Hospital, and X Psychiatric Center. I completely blame the lack of post-hospital care for his demise.

He was told so many times that there is a day program that you can go to and get breakfast and lunch and has programs. Well, he was on a waiting list for like 5 years - I finally told them Never tell another person there is that program because you can't get into it, you give people hope they will have food, fellowship and something to do when they get out and not once has he been allowed to be in the program. Of course, they are always looking for help because they want someone with a Masters degree and want to pay them $20 an hour.

He had been in an apartment provided by the group home at one time, the cigarette smoke smell was disgusting = well, he smoked pot outside and got kicked out. His piece of garbage mental health counselor at a Mental Health center would meet with him for 15 minutes if he didn't cancel. When I called and asked him what his problem was, he said well, I know his copay is $60, so I thought if I only met with him for 15 minutes, it would cost him less and he DIDN'T LIKE TO TALK!!! You can't make this shit up.

He had to sign a contract about all the things he would do (not smoke pot). Meanwhile, the center didn't do what they were supposed to do, but no one cares. Where is the oversight? He was supposed to work or volunteer 15-20 hours a week; the only time he did was when I took him. Not one of the people in the 9 apartments volunteered or worked, which would be the best thing in the world for them, but the center was too lazy to coordinate this. There is no community room there, just separate apartments. They were supposed to help him with getting food, but they told him it wasn't their job. The nearest grocery store was over a mile away, and he had no transportation. He said he was lonely, the office was upstairs, yet there were days when no one even checked to make sure he was alive. They told me they had outside cameras, so they knew he wasn't dead. Wouldn't you think they would have communal activities, meals?

He got no therapy but had to go to drug counseling several times a week for pot - what a waste of time, 4-5 people met and one older man or woman would run their mouth the entire time, and the moderator did nothing. What a waste of time and money. He was at X Hospital for 4 months, was stable, and then was sent to X Center, where his roommate told him he had bitten off people's ears. The screaming was constant, hardly ever went outside, and there could be no programs because the elevator had been broken for a year.

I was the first person to visit since Covid, so when I got there, they wouldn't let me in, because for almost 2 years, no one had come to visit anyone, so they had to re-figure their visiting policies and hours. AND visiting hours for these mental units are 2 hours a day? You better not work nights or your loved one will never see you - this is not right. I was told he was being put in X home so they could help get him stable housing and social security. Did they? NOPE, didn't even try to help him. I got him out of there and brought him back home while we waited for another group home - a joke of a social services agency. The director, who has mental issues herself, makes $200K but they pay support staff $15-20 an hour and wonder why no one will work for them?

I thought we had our boy back. He was funny, played guitar, sang, and helped around the house. Back he went to the previous group home because in our shitty county, there is not one supportive group home, just these uncaring, clueless employees. Ready for this one...So the Director of Housing told us after we got him out of the previous group home that they would have an apartment in a week. We said no problem, he can stay with us, he's doing well. Second week still not ready. I offered to help get it ready, bring things...by the way, I have been told by hospitals, doctors, agencies, no one has advocated for their child more than I... They told me no, we got this. Week 3 still not ready...week 4 next week... So she tells me come on Thursday - but oopsie, she couldn't remember if she told us Wed or Thursday so she's not there, so an underling we fill out the 2 hours of contracts which now it's not 15-20 hours of work or volunteering because I bitched - it's 15-20 hours of ANY MEANINGFUL ACTIVITY what a joke.

So now breathing is all they have to do... We go to the apartment, and no one has done anything since the last person moved out. They told us all he needed were his clothes; we were not allowed to bring any furniture. So I have a video I can show you - as we walk in, smell of piss, disgustingness. Living room has a disgusting, stained loveseat - I lift the cushions - food, clothes, grossness, no end tables, no curtains, no tv, no lamps, mold covering the wood on the windows, broken toilet, no shampoo, no towels, bed, no sheets, broken dresser, no pillows, kitchen - rotten food in fridge, stove, microwave - not a cup, a pan, a morsel of food and ALL HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BRING WERE HIS CLOTHES.

So when the people who are supposed to help him are more fucked up than he is... I have no hope. Now he has an in ACT ion Team. He has anosognosia and is not on court-ordered meds. The police response has been ridiculous - he walked 40 miles before to our home was bleeding from his hands, feet, in psychosis and the deputy said oh he looks fine. Another time I called them he was sleeping outside in December, had lost 40 pounds (his act team said he tells us he's taking his meds and they are gone from the pack-DUH!). The deputy again said to my son "if you can just tell me you're ok you can stay". After an hour and a half he said I-I-I-I-I-I-I'm o-o-o-o-o-o-k, they said ok, you can stay. I showed the deputy that my son had gone to school with, there was blood smeared on the mirrors, not a morsel of food in the house or a paper product, the windows were open. Nope he wouldn't take him.

By the time I got back to my house down the street and sat crying in my car for a bit, my husband had broken his ribs that night and was in bed. It was 1:30am, I locked the door, sat on the couch, and he had gotten in the house before me and dragged me out by my neck. Good job, police. I could go on forever.

He is under the care of the InACTion Team still, for over a year he has been in a disgusting apartment, what before was a house is not 12 apartments, so no hot water because not enough for 12 apartments, bed bugs, and cockroaches. A sane person couldn't deal with this. No therapy, nothing to do all day - for a year the person who is "helping him set goals" the goal for a year has been to organize his apartment. Maybe if the worker would be proactive and pick up a hanger and say let's start picking this place up?? He is in and out of the hospital - he's lonely. He needs a group home, he needs to be around people, and needs help finding purpose. I would do anything to help him.

We have been told he is schizophrenic, but he doesn't have auditory or visual hallucinations - some doctors have told us he is the most manipulative person they have ever met. My brother and father are both narcissists who blame everyone else for everything, and he does too. He came home for Christmas and isolated and smoked pot constantly for a week; after that, he wouldn't respond. I drove to his apartment and gave him $300 worth of restaurant gift certificates. He cried and said he was lonely, then turned on me, screaming that I was fucked up and he wasn't getting out of the car until I drove myself to the hospital. I finally threatened to call the police so he got out.

I then didn't see him until July, when I got out of my car at the grocery store (45 miles from his apt). I heard someone scream - you fucking bitch, you are the worst mother! I turned to see him, it breaks my heart - he is so skinny and is 30 but looks so much older. He said See this woman, she is the worst mother, she won't help me. I jumped in my car and drove away and haven't seen him since. I recently texted and asked if we could start over and be kind to one another - he won't respond. I have had to let go, it was killing me - it's still so hard for me to sleep because every night when I lay down I think of him and how alone he is. I pray for a miracle.